The 12 Step Program for Tchotchkaholics
1. We admit that we are powerless over Tchotchkes —that our lives have become unmanageable due to our treasured Tchotchkes image being called objects that are really . . . Crap. Pure, unadulterated crap.
2. We believe that there is a power greater than ourselves which allows Tchotchkes to restore us to sanity.
3. We have therefore made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to this power as it is not us who are insane, but the rest of the world.
4. We have made a searching and fearless inventory of our Tchotchkes.
5. We have admitted to ourselves, and to other human beings that one can never have enough Tchotchkes.
6. We are entirely ready to stand up and be accounted for and to show the world our Tchotchkes.
7. We humbly ask our friends and family to understand this is not a shortcoming but is saving the destiny of something that may be destined for the trash pile.
8. We have made a list of all persons who would be harmed by this, and are willing to make amends to them all by buying more Tchotchkes.
9. We will make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others because there is no such thing as "anything you put away in a closet so no one will ever know you bought such a thing is a Tchotchke , or, "There can be, in the meaning of the word, an element of owner’s shame, or, a Tchotchke in Yiddish, "may refer to a person who is a misfit, a nobody, a slut, an ineffectual person."
10. We will continue to take personal inventory of our Tchotchkes and when we feel we are missing something that will bring joy to our collection, we will promptly admit it, and immediately head for the nearest antique mall.
11. We will seek mediation by our conscious contact with others who understand our need to amass Tchotchkes by keeping in mind that we, or one of our heirs could wake up one day and be a multimillionaire because of finding our hoard of Tchotchkes.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we will carry this message to Tchotchkaholics everywhere in the world and to practice these principles in all our affairs.